hello! today was actually a really good day! i went to work and all of my favorite people where there. even though it got busy my team was so goated we didnt even feel the rush because everyone knew what they were doing!! its always the best feeling ever when im with all of my good coworkers and it's just a silly fun vibe in the stand. however,, i am a little nervous for tmrw. i have a 6am shift to get trained on how to clean a new milkshake machine we are getting. it sounds stupid but my place of work is really like strict on how things are done especially cleanliness and i found out there are going to be multiple higher ups there tmrw!! it will all be okay i just hate when district and regional managers are there cuz i gotta make sure my uniform is 100% spotless which is so hard when im clumsy and its a white uniform sigh. but yea other than the higher ups being there im kinda excited to learn it! i think its boring to only do the same things over and over again at work so i always try to learn anything.

today i also started to reread my favorite series from when i was a kid. its called fablehaven by brandon mull. i think i read it for the first time about 10 years ago so i never got to see how it ended beacuse the series wasn't finished!! so far its been so fun im excited to breeze through this. i was actually talking about this with oomf yesterday but i think more people should read kid/teen series if they wanna get back into reading but don't know where to start. most are still written beautifully and still make you think its just a little easier to digest. i think after this i wanna reread all my other favorite series as well. also half of adult books are just smut and i prefer to get my smut from ao3 thank you.

last but not least there was a really pretty sunset today :) the clouds were so pink i know its only febuary but summer is gonna be here so soon and you can tell!! thats about all for tonight i hope everyone else had a great day and i will see yall tmrw :p

Hello. Life has been a little hard recently, so I thought I would take up journaling again. I used to use Live Journal but i feel like i was the only person on there so i thought id try here instead. I have a personal journal as well but idk something about talking into an online void where theres a chance other people might see it makes me feel a little bit better. The past couple of months i have just felt really alone.

please excuse my nonsense rambling but a bit ago me and my friend went through bad breakups around the same so we were able to find comfort in eachother and saw eachother multiple times a week. it really made me feel less alone coming out of my first ever long term relationship. well that friend has a new partner now and I am so so happy for them and i love their partner as well. they are perfect for eachother. i just get sad sometimes because i feel like im still stuck in the past and just feel so lonely. my other friends all live further away and are usually busy and idk i just feel like when i have free time no one is ever available. it doesnt help that i go to work and school for 50ish hours a week. and i feel like i am incapable of making new friends. dont get me wrong i do have a couple of super close friends and a small circle of like not as close friends. but with those not as close friends i just feel like an outsider and too “woke”. it doesnt help i am queer. idk i just usually end up feeling like an outside and like if they really knew me they would NOT like me. not to be like “ohh im sooo quirky and crazy” but i am weirder than the average person so i feel like i cant even talk about my interests or true opinions with them. especially because we have different political views as well. and then like i said my two super close friends are either long distance or we are never free at the same time. so it just leaves me feeling really alone and lowkey like yearning for human connection. i hang out with my family and mom a lot but theres only so much you can talk about with ur mom. idk i miss going on dates with my ex and like getting to explore my city and actually go out and do things. i know i can do things alone but have the fun for me is getting to enjoy with someone else. i know i have to get over that but if im just gonna do something alone ill just stay home and enjoy my hobbies or walk my dog or smth.

and.. the biggest bummer of all... i still kinda miss my ex. i cant tell if i actually miss him or if i just miss being in a relationship but considering its been a good amount of time and i still dream about him like every other night makes me think i might actually miss him. but trust it was not a good relationship and we did not need to stay together we both needed really different things and yeah it just was not a good situation. yet i still STILL miss him. its pissing me off. i feel like i need to get into another relationship just to get over him but thats such a stupid and unhealthy reason to get into another relationship.

idk yeah thats pretty much it!! i like my life for the most part i’ve just felt super lonely recently and dont quite know what to do about it if there even is anything I can do. :p